A little overwhelming
As has become habitual, I wake at around 2am. I call the pups upstairs. With them at my side sleep comes a whole lot easier, with one either side, I rest my forehead against Apollos and a few hours later it’s morning.
That morning the sun shines. The air is crisp and bright.
Wonderful humans check in, I feel so much love and inspiration. There’s something so much lighter knowing that the plan has been executed and finally, he is safe.
We catch up with the builder and talk about the preparations for the day ahead. Work is coming along quickly. 70% of my original home is excavated groundwork and flattened. With Brexit in the headlines I can’t help but chuckle at how terribly ironic it is that I have a mortgage now for four rooms of the original house and a whole lot of rubble. It’s another reiteration of why the five year plan is crucial, to live mortgage free.
I make a pot of hibiscus tea and curl up in a chair to reply to a letter from a friend a little too far away for comfort. Messages and emails always seemed a bit too disconnected. We would catch up best in the early hours of weekend mornings in the city together, walking through the silent streets and sipping 6am coffee at a few excellent bolt holes. Talking about life, business, how as two woman we could influence change, leave something bigger than us. Writing is the next best thing. I fill her in as best I can without implicating anyone in the latest events. It’s cathartic, to just put in words that even as an incredibly optimistic human, things can get a bit overwhelming. Unfortunately these things are at the extreme - hostage, domestic demolition, acts of criminality with a once ruling regime, 1500miles of fleeing, deceit and lies. I explain to her details of the boxed wine consumed the night before. Of course, it’s not just any boxed wine. It’s artisan.
With a list of chores we get started working down the list. I take time to finish making some beautiful organic soy based candles in earthenware produced by a local potterer. Mixing scents from organic essential oils tailored to each individual recipient has been the best part. For my zesty parliamentarian in the making, she gets May Chang and Bergamot with a hint of mint. With each I write scent cards detailing what and why for each. The whole process has reduced carbon footprints, there are not nasty chemicals involved, the raw suppliers are local and while their products are a little more costly, they are environmentally minded.
We nip into the nearby town to a closed post office and stock up on sourdough and tofu weiners. Inside the supermarket everything is a little overwhelming, people stressed, rushing, darting from one side to another, it’s all frenzied. It reminds me of that time we went into a supermarket in Birmingham on Christmas eve and there was a stabbing in the frozen world foods isle. All a bit mad. In truth, I’m not bothered enough over my sourdough to start an isle fight with the retired. It dawns on me that it’s the penultimate payday before Christmas. I barely keep track of these things. As a small business, payments are often late to us so I’ve learnt the hard way to keep finances back and have plan Bs. We also live frugally, it’s part of the 5 year plan. I have a running joke that I want to retire at the age that my paternal grandfather did - 40. The most ridiculous part of that intention is that it will most likely manifest itself.
After a lunch of tofu weiners and homemade baked beans, we head out for a walk with the pups. There are a few favourite places, this one is pretty special. As we walk we pass Roe Deer, fields of Pheasants, Muntjac deer, Red Kites on the ground. It’s all incredibly beautiful.
The evening is quiet. We work on the construction until late. I sip more white wine from a box in the fridge. Tonight I know that while so far away, he is safe. Or at least as safe as he can be. I wonder about the next steps. I am still too emotional to make well thought out decisions. So, I finish my wine, chug down a litre of lemon and ginger infused water. Sip a warm cup of camomile infused with Reishi and Ashwaganda. Then I take to my yoga mat and follow an hours sequence of “release” then afterwards I follow a yin flow. I write my intensions. Then sleep. Deeply and restoratively.